Delt2009

Inspirational blog - http://comealivetoday.wordpress.com

The holidays are going to be a tough time for me this year I’m sure. My mom is on her way to becoming a Jehovah’s Witness so “Christmas” is now a four letter word in her house (and my dad’s a Jew so yeah…haha). Last year was easier because I was with my (now ex) boyfriend so we had his family’s place to go to. This year, though…well this year I’ll be on my own. Being 22, I shouldn’t pout about the lack of celebratory events (i.e. Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays, etc) but it’s such a change from what I grew up with. Instead of bonding over these days, these events now act as walls between us all. I’ve overcome a lot in the past couple of years, but yesterday was by far one of the worst nights in a long time. It just hit me how alone I’m going to be through the holidays. On the bright side, I’ll be volunteering at a soup kitchen on Christmas so at least I’ll have something to do. It’s hard to feel motivated to work out, though, when I feel so down. I just have to kick the mood and think logically – working out will make me feel better, not worse. If I just remind myself of that, I can make it through.Is it the New Year yet?

To be honest, I’m sometimes worried about the woman I’ll become when I’m “skinny”. I was in a relationship for four years and it was the summer of ’07 that I packed on 80lbs in about 6 months (about two years into our relationship). While I had never cheated on my (now ex) boyfriend, I felt as though I might should I lose the weight. At first, I thought “wow, that kind of makes me a horrible person” but now I realize I felt that way not because I worried about my own morals, but because I knew he and I weren’t meant to be together; by staying fat, I kept myself from having the confidence to break it off and move on. After we split in May, I was motivated to want to lose all the weight I’d put on and then some.

Now I’m in a new relationship and to be honest – I’m worried about how I’ll feel once I’ve lost the last 40lbs. While at 165, I felt great about myself and was almost “skinny”, I hope to be about 12lbs less than that; I’ll be at my lowest weight since before high school. While some may think this is impossible, I know I can and will do it (while still remaining healthy). Once I reach my goal, though, will I want to be single? Will I be able to handle being in a serious relationship at 22 and never having had real “single fun”? What if I break out of my shell and just want to be free and I become an attention-whore?

…Am I worrying about nothing?

I guess we’ll find out in about 4 months J

Since mid-May, I’ve lost almost 50lbs. While it’s wonderful to be out of the “obese” range and into the simply “overweight” range, I’m not happy with myself. I was doing so well and then in the past month, I just stopped. Not only did I quit working out, but I also quit eating as well as I was. Granted, I didn’t revert back to as bad as I was, but I still haven’t been eating as well as I could be (and I’m sure quitting smoking didn’t help).

It doesn’t matter, though! Today is a new day and I am getting back on track with my working out/eating habits!! I’m so ready to be thin and healthy. I want people to look at me and say “Wow, can you believe how great she looks?!” I want to be able to run a mile with ease. Hell, I want to be able to just run a mile (something I’ve never once done in my life). I’m excited because I know I can do it and I’m GOING to do it. Today is the start of the final lap that is my weight loss. After this, it’ll be all about maintaining and I’ll be happier than I’ve been in a long while.

Go, me, go!